I decided to write my 17 and a half year old self a letter, that is, exactly a year ago when I was toying with the idea of blogging. Here it is:
I won’t ask you how you are, because I know you too well to ask you that! I am the only one who understands you in this wide world, because really, I am your future !
At this time of the year, you must be busy worrying about your first year internal examinations. I know that you are really worried about how you are going to cope up with this new life,because after all–this is not junior college, when life was sweet and innocent. I know that you are worried about how you are going to cope up with a combination of subjects you are not comfortable with. I know that you are feeling a sense of ennui, a strange vacuum that has been created because of some of your best friends being separated from you.At the same time, you are excited ! You want to jump across like a childlike doe, to taste the grass of the other side. You want to know what it finally feels like to be grown up. You want to taste freedom. You want to taste responsibilities. And you are very,very curious!
This is indeed a bundle of bittersweet feelings, dear Amrita of the past. But let me tell you, you will get past all of these so quickly,so cheerfully and much more efficiently than you can imagine. Yes, there will be new events in your life. But stay calm ,focused. These things may be out of your comfort zone, but it is those things that will give you the thrill, the kick that you ask from life! These events will be the ones that will make you grow the most.
You will perform really well in the exams that you fear so much, and you will be tempted to think you are invincible. But don’t. I know I am being sanctimonious here, but just like you move on from bad incidents–you should also move on from your good experiences. Trust me, holding on to anything of the past is wrong, for the past is one big, beautiful lie. And living in it can be a dangerous activity.
This is the year you will make some of your best friends . But at the same time, you will realise that the more you give your heart to people, the more pain and damage they will inflict upon it during their brief and long sojourns in it.But I trust you. I know that you will breeze past heartbreaks, conflicts and pessimism to shine.
All I write this for,is the hope that when you start fearing the unknown, when life throws grenades of discomfort and you are ready to give up–you come across this. I write this simply for that time when you are bereft of direction and find some, with this letter. I write this, for that time in a parallel universe, where you will be reading this!
Amrita Shenoy, 2015