I had an eventful day last Saturday. Though it wasn’t the best day in my life, it was one day which will be etched in my memory forever ( for reasons best known to me).
Last Saturday, I had no will left in me. I had no energy to wake up at 6:15 like every day and attend the first lecture in my schedule. For once, I decided that I would skip it. I had been extremely tired the day before and had been down with a weird,oral infection of sorts ( which my mother opined firmly, was because of stress).
As I reached college,I could feel a noise inside my head. It was as chaotic as an Indian fish market.The chaos was actually from the thoughts within:
You have not yet spoken to her about that article you couldn’t edit ! What if she calls you and fires you in front of everyone? Will they like the comic strip, the one that you worked so hard over? TWO EVENTS AFTER LECTURES today! That means I will have to stay back till 4:30…and that further means I will not get a seat in the train today ! A one hour journey standing ! But my legs are already bad because of yesterday’s peace rally !When will you get time to eat lunch?You have not started preparing for your internals…14 chapters in Macro Economics, the entire first module for Indian economy..You have also not met the people for the planning of the skit! You have not even started preparing for the personality contest you want to win so badly! The first round is a quiz..and there will be all sorts of questions..about distant lands, about people you have never known, sports you have never played and current affairs which never reach your ears..and the best part is that it is not a written quiz, it will be held in full public view! You wont even have the privilege of embarrassing yourself privately, you will in fact humiliate yourself publicly by showing everyone how disgustingly poor your G.K is and what an ignorant pea-brain you are! Amrita. If you don’t find solutions to all of these soon,you will be a mess.Wait.You already are one. Wait..what am I sa…..
And such were my thoughts. It took me some time to type them out, but only a minute or two to think them all ! And I must admit that they exhausted me more than the one hour journey to college.I reached my classroom and attended the rest of my lectures dutifully.After stuffing myself with spoonfuls of the rice I had brought to college, and a quick little talk with my friend Sarath, off I went to the first seminar I was supposed to attend.
It was on mindfulness and control over one’s thoughts. I shared some of my problems in the seminar and the speaker ( a Doctor) gently pointed out that I was indeed having problems and that I was gradually falling down the ladder. The ladder, I inferred, was a metaphor for a balance of emotions and falling down the ladder only meant falling to my imbalance because of lack of control on my thoughts.True that.
So at that moment, I decided that I am not going to let my own thoughts be my illness and soon,death. I was again, very tired. Mentally and physically exhausted. And I had to attend another two hour long seminar. I thought : why can’t I skip this seminar? what is the worst thing that will happen to me if I skip it? Sometimes we can’t fulfill all our commitments..all our desires..Sometimes we have to know that WE ARE NOT GOD! And with this thought, I came home. I came home to vegetable biryani made by my mother. I devoured the biryani with relish. That moment wasn’t going to come back in my life.
My hunger completely satiated, I drowsily walked back to the kitchen to put away the plate in the sink.Drooping, sleepy eyes and an error of judgement was enough to drop a vessel and create a loud, ear-piercing sound of the steel vessel hitting the floor.I hastily picked it up and hoped that I hadn’t woken up my parents who were having their afternoon nap. Some incidents in my life are exactly like this vessel; hollow and weightless–but create so much noise in my life, I thought.
The rest of my day went by with my smartphone for company.And as I went to sleep that night, I vowed that I would change my life!